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Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:27:26 GMT

Why have I stopped blogging?
Is it because I find more satisfaction uploading my photos on facebook?
Or maybe its because I just ALWAYS forget what I wanted to write in my blog.
Whatever it is,
I'm going to make a very textlike blog entry...
Simply because I think I deserve to remind myself what has happened in these days.

YOUTUBE

If my senior finds it appalling that I have watched 200,000 videos in a span of a few months..
Then it IS appalling.
I never realize how I have viewed almost close to 20 youtube videos daily.
Surprising but interestingly, Youtube videos have helped me in various ways.

It has made me laugh with my subscription to "Collegehumour."
It has taught me various skills in cybergaming "TheMovieVault."
It has given me ideas and concepts in video editing from tutorials using After Effects and Sony Vegas.
It has given me many things.

It has become like a source of information - like another wikipedia.
It has also allowed me to be an exhibitionist.
To post videos on youtube regarding my music, my gaming and even my random memories.
So much so that I have infringed so many copyrights that my old account has been BANNED.

And thus... my new account exist.

A NEW HOME

Did I mention we renovated our place?
Now I stay in an attic like room thingie.
And while I have my own privacy, having a staircase only means 2 things.
It gets tiresome to climb up and down 20 flights of steps.
AND it is DAMN painful to fall down those same flight of steps.

For the first time in my life, I now know the pain of what its like to literally roll down a flight of steps.
Thank God I didn't land on my head.

GOD

It is incredible.
The Power of the Truth is so strong it defies the very principles of the world.
Life is getting better and miracles are being seen.
Thank God for Pastor Prince's ministry.
My prayer is slowly but surely being answered.
Even darling dearest is starting to take Jesus seriously.
Anyone can have knowledge, but binah is given from above :)

NUS: M.SC APPLIED PHYSICS

I was almost at the brink of destruction.
Score was too low and was in theory already dismissed from my candidature.
A simple prayer, trust in the Lord made a miracle occur.
By some chance I was given a 2nd chance at my Masters.
But even with this 2nd chance I was bound to fail.
With the only hope of pulling up my score by taking 4 modules and getting straight "A"s,
I knew it was virtually impossible.

Then a prayer and a desperate cry to my Saviour changed things.
Somehow the co-ordinator is willing to pretend that I didn't fail my Quantum Optics.
Thus meaning I can take TWO modules instead of 4, and aim to get a B+ for both instead of "A"s.
Basically it means that I have hope!

Halfway through the semester I know I'm already struggling.
With my thesis just beginning and experiments running,
my 3 weeks of 18 hour working days (including weekends) has taken a huge toll on me.
Physically, as well as mentally...
My other modules are suffering because of my dedication to my experiments and lab.

What lies ahead?
I have no idea.
But I can trust that in the end, I think I would be blessed.

COUNTERSTRIKE SOURCE / XTC

The very team / organization I started and founded has started to stumble.
The Counterstrike Source team is no more and its such a sad thing.
Especially since it began with CS:Source.
Although hot games like Dota, Blackshot and Fifa has taken the centre stage,
if it were up to me I would still keep Counterstrike Source.

It also seems that some in XTC expect me to do much more.
Unknown to them, I have already stretched the limit of whatever contribution I can do voluntarily.
Disgusting.
XTC was far more happier an united when it was much simpler.
Ultimately, my players will get paid and XTC will have a successful business model.
Though it is not possible now, but once I graduate and work,
those things will be put into place.

When the time comes...
I vow to reform the organization.
I am proud of their achievements but alas many of us feel it can achieve far beyond.

YOUTHS OF SINGAPORE

I was playing a Dota game with other gamers late at night at about 12am.
We needed a last and a young 16 yr old was invited from our friends list on Steam.
We were on "Skype" and were chatting on it while playing.

Suddenly it dawned on us that this 16 yr old had his "O" levels the next day.
Why was he still playing with us then?

In the background I heard an elder man reprimanding his son telling him to sleep early.
The 16 yr old youth's reply was "CAN YOU F%&^KING STOP IT? I KNOW ALREADY. WTF LA."

I was in shock.
Just as shocked as seeing a naked woman bath behind my house backyard when I was 12.

My immediate reaction was to ask him about it.
"How could you say that to your dad? He is your Father after all dude!"
And all this time I had the impression this young Singaporean gamer was softspoken.
But to have witnessed this personally was a clear warning signal to me.

"The Youths of tomorrow are changing"

It has just occured to me that while I started my real online gaming experience when i was 18,
many started when they were far much younger.
And the danger behind a community of gamers is this.
That while many may dare to provoke or hurl insults because of the fact that they are hiding behind nicknames,
this sense of empowerment over others in cyberspace can destructively twist and corrupt the moral behaviour of youths!
I told my mum...
That if one day I became minister, I would stop this.
Now that I think about this, I have a feeling this "sense of overwhelming empowerment" cannot be stopped.

and so here I am in the lab.
It's 8.25pm at NUS in the VT-STM on a Friday night.
I should be with my girl...
but I'm not because of this...
ugh.

A New Song ~ Memory of my Heart

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 04:21:12 GMT

"Another world, another time...
Trees wither and the world fades away.
Left with no one but you to hold by, our smiles and laughter takes our troubles away.
It felt right, with not a care in the world.
Alas, it could not be...
Yet the moments me had, and the dreams that had faded.
"I'll keep you near...
In the Memory of My Heart" "

~ Reuben's coded thoughts.

Memory 2008

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 05:58:31 GMT

I'm going to update this blog.
And this time I'm going to make it good.
Not because I need to update you the viewer...
but because I want to remember those precious moments I had over such a long time.

Chingay 2009
ACS decade reunion
On Air
Magic stuff
The new house
Results, the future, economy
Relationship stuff
Uni Stuff
Youtube Projects + Cubase AI4

What may I or can I do?

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 12:45:08 GMT

"Confronted, shocked and realization of reality.
One should feel nothing but I felt something.
I feel I enjoy I dream and wonder,
how things might have been different with this one Flower.
The very things I hoped, had come true.
The things I wanted there they were.
But alas while the flower remains near, I can never touch.
Only because it can never be mine."

~Reuben's coded thoughts~

21,000 views? Never noticed!

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 23:07:04 GMT

"A flower drops from the orange sky.
Torn and broken I restore it gently.
I feed on her petals and fall into a dream,
one that is pleasant new and afresh.
One that will never come true and only stay a Dream."

~Reuben's coded thoughts~

Do people still read this?
21,000+ views and I wonder why.
A blog...
it used to become a diary a place to write things I hope to remember.
And more often than not I try to perfect how it should turn out.
Ironically at the end of compiling all the pictures and thoughts,
I realize it's too much and become too lazy to post my trademark mega long entries.

Thus maybe I should start afresh.
Put pictures only when I really want to.
Only when they have strong meaning or are worth remembering.
Or maybe if they had a secret meaning that no one but myself would understand.
Ah yes ~ I think I could do this.
My first ultra simple blog entry that would explain the state of things,
and the memories that go along with it.
A few words, a simple picture and perhaps an emoticon should suffice.

Many post-its, rubik's cubes, notes of encouragement, duel pack strategies

Long haired Reuben, battered busy but STM-ingly interested.

A house. Our home. Time slows down when things work too fast.

..........
Ended up putting more photos than I intended to post.
I had the impression that just ONE single photo per post would suffice.
I'll strive to update more, and post less pictures next time.
Meanwhile in other things that are worth noting..
Squatters will be built at Serangoon Gardens! What the
I attended Formula 1 and caught on with the know-hows!
Played the Piano for Brandon's wedding!
Met AMKMC old people!
General Relativity is horrible!
Army deferment for next Feb's 17 day in camp training REJECTED twice,
even though I'm a full time student!

~End~

A day of fun and laughter

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 03:34:35 GMT

"I listen to the stories that spanned 13 years of difference,
and for each person that narrates a new world emerges.
As if by magic, I've traveled with them and back...
to the many places and experiences that each of them shared.
Almost like a journey long and tedious,
I return to the reality of this mundane four walled room."

~Reuben's thoughts~

It was awesome just to meet up with the old AMKMC people.
It's just so amazing seeing how each one of the friends we know grown...
The strange thing is that after 13 years everyone still looks the same.
Young, recognizable and retaining each of their special character traits.
While some of them may have a different hairstyle, longer or shorter hair...
As we spoke and shared everything else is pretty much, well the same!
The interesting thing though is how each of us has gone through different experiences.

Joshua went through his NSF like as a medic, and that motivated him to do Life Sciences.
Josiah took a module in Business IT about law, and went on to pursue Law ever since.
Dorcas enjoyed her coffee girl days became a teacher and dreads marking her student's English work.
Lydia studied in Perth, works in a huge church and absolutely enjoys her life there.
Jocelyn got a job with a production firm and makes music videos and video ads in the region.
And the story ends with the closure of Swensens in Plaza Singapura.
At 11pm, we "adjourned."

Other than live stories memories flocked and returned.
They even reminded me of Oswald bringing a mattress to the P6 Church Camp,
and even reminded me calling Jeremiah "Mucus Boy."
Even Joshua remembered our "secret sharing sessions,"
and Jocelyn and Dorcas would remember the secret crushes of their friends.
Basically the times may change and the seasons may pass,
but the memories we hold dear can never fade away that easily.

Every year I would join the World Cyber Games Singapore Qualifiers.
The only time I was ever serious in my e-sports was back in 2005.
It was that era where Counterstrike: Source was chosen over Counterstrike 1.6,
but since then it had reverted back to CS1.6.
So since I've never installed 1.6 since 2005, every year I would join WCG for one purpose alone.
To get my WCG Shirt and Player Tag.

Even my team name was "Playing for Free Shirts"

Well this year's shirt was different.
In previous years the shirts were black, cotton and at one point had horrible design.
This time round, it was either the designer was a Chelsea fan or he just liked blue collars.
All in all it was a dry fit shirt that was white and simple - definitely a fresh new look.
So that's my 2008 WCG Shirt and Tag!
Guess now I have every year's shirts except for 2007 and for good reason...
the shirt looked so bad I gave it away.

Other than playing we had the chance to watch a stage match.
And for the first time in a long time, they had GOOD commentators!
I had that gotfrag feeling the moment they spoke...
They reported very accurately and kept everyone on the edge of their seats.
It was really a different and good take on the event.
Really hope they would keep having commentators in the future years.

CS1.6 Team WWF "Walking without Fear" up against...

CS1.6 Team "BallisticX," the result? A whooping 16-0 to WWF.

The main stage with the commentators in the centre.

Cybergaming in Singapore has a long way to go.
And my team XTC still has a longer way to go in terms of standards.
While many of us love the competitive nature of the game,
few are willing to go the extra mile to promote Esports in Singapore.
What the future holds is certainly uncertain,
yet what it holds depends on the choices and effort we make.
While no one will have the power to do everything,
Everyone of us has the power to do something.

The Lengths I go for this Art

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 21:23:10 GMT

"It is mine. It can be done. I will make it happen -
The line that controls the boundaries between reality and illusion...
I will bend it to my will and defy all logic.
In the darkest nights and the brightest of day,
there I will be secretly but surely
ready for the impossible and there to make it possible"

~Reuben's thoughts~

There's one hobby and thing that I do,
that seem to satisfy me even when the preparations involved is...
is utterly ridiculous.
Like getting up 5.30am in the morning to "revise" my routine.
I'm talking about the Art of Magic.
And I still can't believe that I'd rather get up early to set the stage right,
than to sacrifice my beauty sleep.

What drives this?
What could possibly make Reuben miss his sleep?
Why did I have difficulty sleeping last night?
Was it the complex Graphene Paper Prof Wee sent me in the email?
*okay I'm not supposed to talk about Physics here*
Was it the disturbingly gross video "Chainsaw Maid" on Youtube?
I think the only real reason is because,
I love this Art and I respect it enough to give the practice it deserves.

I once told my magician friends this.
"If a magician can't even respect this Art, then even I cannot give him my respect"
It may seem harsh but seriously this is AN ART.
It's not about showing off, or giving the impression you're "one up" ahead.
It is the art of entertainment, creating wonder and leaving a memory or a smile.

So what then drives me to do what I do?
It's easy really...
the smiles of my audience, the memory they bring with them.
Those are enough reason for me to make sure they remember that little magic they had,
especially in the days where logic seem to govern our very existence.

Smile and remember, run off and wonder.
At that one moment in time, the rules of the world bends.

Rewind the Pendulum

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 16:52:29 GMT

"A chain of memories string together intertwined,
at present everything and all things seemed sweet and fine.
Lives return to struggles and pain,
only to make us stronger and better day by day.
Ten years the last we met,
finally memories flood and laughter resound
bringing us realization and recollection,
to the days where we had no qualms"

~Reuben's thoughts~

Technology is awesome.
If I hadn't started an account with facebook,
I doubt I'd ever establish contact with Josiah and Jeremiah.
Those 2 are one of the good pals I had back in AMKMC days.
And it was darn awesome just catching up on old times.

Memories flooded and laughter followed,
as we recount many church camps and events that happened a decade ago.
Over at Coffee Club Express at Takashimaya,
I was with friends who I've not seen for ages, and yet they look exactly the same 10 years back.
Maybe it was some kind of magic, maybe it was just us.
But whatever it was, it definitely felt warm just catching up with them.

I'm not in this picture, but this brings back dozens of memories

Is it that difficult to forget stress and work and just enjoy the company of your other half?
Perhaps it is...
especially when one is working in a high stress work place,
with bad politics, sadistic people and a huge underpay.
But none the less,
It feels even more miserable to be dis empowered,
when my presence is not enough to bring a smile to the face of my loved one.

In such situations very random and pessimistic thoughts run through my brain.
Sometimes doubting the very things that I had complete confidence in.
However when I recall the little things she says or does,
then I remember that perhaps yes its true,
that she really deeply loves me the way I love her too.

If only life was like a typical love story,
without all the stress, hardships and doubts.
But then again without the things that crush us,
how else can we withstand the more devastating things before us?

Finally, I post on Xanga...

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 06:41:05 GMT

Okay so I was supposed to update a long time ago.
In fact people and friends were wondering how my life was doing...
And perhaps the very common reason we all use is "I was very busy."
And then I realize the truth.
There's only so much I can write about my graduate life in NUS.

HOWEVER...
There is so much to say about my life during the vacation.
And there's so much that I do that most people don't know about!
Well there's too much to say here and if I were to post everything that has happened thus far,
then I'm afraid this post would be longer than "The Dark Knight."

The point is I realized that a blog, a diary is like a little place to ramble.
I think it's so much easier to post something short and simple per day,
then to consolidate all my past happenings and write them into one mega post.

And so, this is what I shall do.
I shall ramble about stuff I encounter in the day...
And I honestly hope, it has nothing to do with studies, equations and exams.

Art Imitates Life

Yes I've fallen into Shounen Manga addiction with NANA.

     It's almost like I've become addicted to a typical Jap Drama / Korean Drama,
only that THIS is much better.
The strange thing is with me watching NANA,
    and with me meeting old pals and listening to their BGR problems...
      I realized one thing.
     That alot of the time, we like to paint our own love drama.
   In fact there are those who live in their own world, thinking that life is like a movie or drama.
But nothing's worse than using your own psychotic dream world to manipulate the minds of a lost love.

I know of a friend who goes through that.
And I do not believe that it's the right thing for her ex to do.

Personally I write songs
and my songs depict the love stories that I go through - much like a drama .
However that movie that plays in my head as I sing,
is only for me to reminiscence, and it exists solely for that purpose .

For example, if someone wrote a diary...
As long as the contents are secret, it remains as a diary.
However if it were sold off and read by someone else
then it becomes an autobiography or a novel.
The purpose of the diary then changes depending on whether we mean it for others to read it.

So please don't use those words of your story,
to fool the heart of someone you jilted and cheated on.
If you kept it to yourself, it could be your song.
But when you tell those words to that person,
it becomes manipulation in the hope to instill remorse.
And that is just
dirty

Having said that,
It pains me to say that these stories that I hear...
about guys being irresponsible, unfaithful and just dumb,
makes me feel a little disappointed.
From stories of young punks speeding and getting others killed,
to stories of psychotic guys plotting to destroy their ex girlfriend's happiness.
Seriously, something is very wrong with the world.

My Stories through Pictures

Stuff I wanted to write about but became too lazy to write about.
Thus, let the pictures do the talking.

Yes... It's been so darn long.

Quick update~!

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:26:06 GMT

Here's a quick update in point form!
So that the next time I'm free to update I'd write more about all these things.

Master's program begins. First semester was horrendous!
New study buddy - Harry from Netherlands
Do Level 4000 or thesis under Dr. Tok
House undergoing reno soon
went to the "new" Sentosa
quit gaming to study
classes end at 10 or 8pm!
Magic upped one level. DG's Classic F outtake
Ellusionist won't ship to Singapore!
Wayne Houchin is a genius
SATC is a good show
Troy uncut DVD is damn good
Jerry got new gf!
Paul's gf left him.
Met Jit Hui, Leon, Kuhan called me, etc
Sang nothing but 2 songs in KTV session with dear
New family car - Camry 2.0
"The Right way to break up" article discussion
Counterstrike 101 article discussion
Korean Movie Mania
L - Change the World Movie
V'day, CNY and Mum's B'day coming
One Piece is damn good
Re-watched Dragonball Z
Dear quit her job at HP and works at CS now
Gold 90FM debate topic - "General knowledge"
Team XTC expands into WC3 Team with addition from canada team
Potentially bring XTC to greater corporate value
I'm sick! Flu, fever, sore throat, etc...
Taxi fares went up! from NUS back home is now $15.00
The power of Youtube and the internet
A CSS Video about me - Ultima Evolution