Not contented with our short meeting on Friday night,

I decided to ask Liz out to properly get certain points cleared up.

Thinking over carefully it really doesn’t seem like the situation cannot be resolved!

Or perhaps this is just me, trying to hold on to something that inevitably will break down…

 

None the less, like a typical Korean Drama I waited at her door-step after her refusal to respond to me.

It didn’t matter if I was tired from a day of performing as a volunteer for Japan.

I even tried to call her on her blackberry, but there was no answer.

Her parents and Mei-lin’s attempts to reach her had failed.

 

When she finally came home…

And we chatted, I finally understood what was happening.

She plainly said she doesn’t like or love me anymore and that she doesn’t want to see me again.

Ouch.

Apparently she’s been thinking through this for 2 years…

and so will not change her mind.

I succumbed to my defeat, and for the first time stood far apart from her as we were both standing.

I’ve never felt so tortured not to be able to hold her again.

Went home, didn’t cry or anything.

Only until I started to sleep, and imagine her image did I start to get affected.

It’s not easy considering how much has happened.

 

The next day I told my Mum we broke up.

Mum immediately said, “Is it because of marriage? If you want we actually have enough money set aside for your marriage already. We were just waiting for you and Liz to ask.”

Well I told her that its already too late, considering she wouldn’t change her mind at all.

 

The next few days consisted of getting over Liz.

The cool down period did help I think…

Especially all the crazy interviews I’ve been going for.

My mum was wondering how come suddenly everyday I have 2 interviews to attend.

Now I’m spoilt for choice and thinking about how much I can achieve by the time I reach 35.

 

I went through my room looking for her things, and placed them into a suitcase to seal.

Like what I did with Pamela and Jess, I would seal them into a box of memories…

And only open them years later to appreciate the moments we shared.

 

…

There was a lot of things. Needed a suitcase not a box!

There was a picture we took at Kbox during my birthday,

a set of handphone straps bearing my name and hers…

A tinklet she gave me long ago…

I decided to find all the softcopy material and burn a backup to seal too.

Found a file of her singing “One Open Pore”…

some very rare and lost photos of her…

and all the cute videos I had of her with my old Handphone.

Also saved all my old blog entries into a document.

 

I think I will send Liz the backup Softcopy stuff.

If anything, I don’t think our precious time together should be simply forgotten.

I never believed in completely forgetting someone…

It’s more about accepting what has happened and moving on.

So while all these things I’m doing brings closure to me,

I think I’ll send a short letter to her with her photos, videos, gold clips and what not.

 

For me, they’ll be deleted away…

but stored in that box.

So that one fine day, years down the round when we meet again,

she might become one of the only few friends that could easily be another best friend of mine.

 

 

 

A long long time ago.

This blog began mainly because I was heartbroken.

Years later, a 6.5 old relationship had ended… and I’m heartbroken again.

While it’s strange that at 28 years old I still feel the same loss of breath and cold trembles when I realized that she was no longer going to be a part of my life,

I guess that at this age I had attained a certain maturity to realize that life goes on, and that I can’t just did what I did when I had my first heartbreak.

 

In the past I’d probably just spend days crying, cuddling in bed and being all vulnerable and all.

Yesterday I cried myself to sleep yes, but this morning went on to attend a career briefing, then performed Street Magic to raise funds for the Japan Earthquake as a volunteer in Town,

and went to confront my now-ex-girlfriend about a possible 2nd chance.

 

For the first time, I saw how determined she was to stick with her decision.

No more tears, no more of that soft fragile girl I dated for 6 years…

but a very strong willed girl who probably spent alot of time thinking seriously about us.

In that aspect, I was glad that she understood what she really wanted now and wish her all the best.

While it feels horrible to be the one cast away,

I came home feeling somewhat comforted, knowing that everything seems clearer…

and whatever doubts I had had been confirmed.

Knowing this, gives me the strength to move forward I guess.

 

And of course with the help of an old friend who also walked through such difficult times with me in the past,

she gave me advice and encouragement.

It’s funny how things unfold in life.

At one point in time, I felt this was it – she’s the one.

And then suddenly everything turns around and she starts to ignore my pleas, let alone see me again.

 

I think it made it easier knowing that in the end, she would probably be better off with one of her suitors.

Someone who can give her a sense of security and have the same level of maturity she has.

I was very tempted to throw every picture away we had,

but maybe like always with my past lovers, I would find a box (a big one this time) to put all the 6 years of stuff into.

 

The soft-toy with her recorded voice saying “I love you.”

The art work she did for me when we dated.

The couple watch we bought for Valentine’s day.

The ring I wrote on every youtube video in the past.

And the “Tinklet” she bought for me.

 

Goodbye my dear.

There had been times we wished we could forget,

but I could honestly say that it was an awesome journey together