Month: October 2009

  • Return to Xanga

    Why have I stopped blogging?
    Is it because I find more satisfaction uploading my photos on facebook?
    Or maybe its because I just ALWAYS forget what I wanted to write in my blog.
    Whatever it is,
    I'm going to make a very textlike blog entry...
    Simply because I think I deserve to remind myself what has happened in these days.

    YOUTUBE

    If my senior finds it appalling that I have watched 200,000 videos in a span of a few months..
    Then it IS appalling.
    I never realize how I have viewed almost close to 20 youtube videos daily.
    Surprising but interestingly, Youtube videos have helped me in various ways.

    It has made me laugh with my subscription to "Collegehumour."
    It has taught me various skills in cybergaming "TheMovieVault."
    It has given me ideas and concepts in video editing from tutorials using After Effects and Sony Vegas.
    It has given me many things.

    It has become like a source of information - like another wikipedia.
    It has also allowed me to be an exhibitionist.
    To post videos on youtube regarding my music, my gaming and even my random memories.
    So much so that I have infringed so many copyrights that my old account has been BANNED.

    And thus... my new account exist.

    A NEW HOME

    Did I mention we renovated our place?
    Now I stay in an attic like room thingie.
    And while I have my own privacy, having a staircase only means 2 things.
    It gets tiresome to climb up and down 20 flights of steps.
    AND it is DAMN painful to fall down those same flight of steps.

    For the first time in my life, I now know the pain of what its like to literally roll down a flight of steps.
    Thank God I didn't land on my head.

    GOD

    It is incredible.
    The Power of the Truth is so strong it defies the very principles of the world.
    Life is getting better and miracles are being seen.
    Thank God for Pastor Prince's ministry.
    My prayer is slowly but surely being answered.
    Even darling dearest is starting to take Jesus seriously.
    Anyone can have knowledge, but binah is given from above :)

    NUS: M.SC APPLIED PHYSICS

    I was almost at the brink of destruction.
    Score was too low and was in theory already dismissed from my candidature.
    A simple prayer, trust in the Lord made a miracle occur.
    By some chance I was given a 2nd chance at my Masters.
    But even with this 2nd chance I was bound to fail.
    With the only hope of pulling up my score by taking 4 modules and getting straight "A"s,
    I knew it was virtually impossible.

    Then a prayer and a desperate cry to my Saviour changed things.
    Somehow the co-ordinator is willing to pretend that I didn't fail my Quantum Optics.
    Thus meaning I can take TWO modules instead of 4, and aim to get a B+ for both instead of "A"s.
    Basically it means that I have hope!

    Halfway through the semester I know I'm already struggling.
    With my thesis just beginning and experiments running,
    my 3 weeks of 18 hour working days (including weekends) has taken a huge toll on me.
    Physically, as well as mentally...
    My other modules are suffering because of my dedication to my experiments and lab.

    What lies ahead?
    I have no idea.
    But I can trust that in the end, I think I would be blessed.

    COUNTERSTRIKE SOURCE / XTC

    The very team / organization I started and founded has started to stumble.
    The Counterstrike Source team is no more and its such a sad thing.
    Especially since it began with CS:Source.
    Although hot games like Dota, Blackshot and Fifa has taken the centre stage,
    if it were up to me I would still keep Counterstrike Source.

    It also seems that some in XTC expect me to do much more.
    Unknown to them, I have already stretched the limit of whatever contribution I can do voluntarily.
    Disgusting.
    XTC was far more happier an united when it was much simpler.
    Ultimately, my players will get paid and XTC will have a successful business model.
    Though it is not possible now, but once I graduate and work,
    those things will be put into place.

    When the time comes...
    I vow to reform the organization.
    I am proud of their achievements but alas many of us feel it can achieve far beyond.


    YOUTHS OF SINGAPORE

    I was playing a Dota game with other gamers late at night at about 12am.
    We needed a last and a young 16 yr old was invited from our friends list on Steam.
    We were on "Skype" and were chatting on it while playing.

    Suddenly it dawned on us that this 16 yr old had his "O" levels the next day.
    Why was he still playing with us then?

    In the background I heard an elder man reprimanding his son telling him to sleep early.
    The 16 yr old youth's reply was "CAN YOU F%&^KING STOP IT? I KNOW ALREADY. WTF LA."

    I was in shock.
    Just as shocked as seeing a naked woman bath behind my house backyard when I was 12.

    My immediate reaction was to ask him about it.
    "How could you say that to your dad? He is your Father after all dude!"
    And all this time I had the impression this young Singaporean gamer was softspoken.
    But to have witnessed this personally was a clear warning signal to me.

    "The Youths of tomorrow are changing"

    It has just occured to me that while I started my real online gaming experience when i was 18,
    many started when they were far much younger.
    And the danger behind a community of gamers is this.
    That while many may dare to provoke or hurl insults because of the fact that they are hiding behind nicknames,
    this sense of empowerment over others in cyberspace can destructively twist and corrupt the moral behaviour of youths!
    I told my mum...
    That if one day I became minister, I would stop this.
    Now that I think about this, I have a feeling this "sense of overwhelming empowerment" cannot be stopped.

    and so here I am in the lab.
    It's 8.25pm at NUS in the VT-STM on a Friday night.
    I should be with my girl...
    but I'm not because of this...
    ugh.